First Post

I have another journal in this vast space, but I don't feel that I can be completely honest there, and I wonder I'll be able to be completely honest here. You see, I feel that if I'm completely honest there people might look down on me, think I'm weird, or think that I'm crazy. It's not like I have anything major going on, I'm not Karrine Steffans or anything.

I'll start by describing myself. I'm in my early twenties, and I'm attending college. I honestly hate school and the only reason why I'm attending is because I want the finer things in life and a high school diploma isn't going to cut it. I honestly wish that I could just bag a rich man and be taken care of for the rest of my life. Is that horrible? I mean If I bagged a rich man tomorrow, I would still finish school, but I wouldn't be in a hurry to do it. I hate my body. Right now, I'm an amorphous blob. I honestly feel that I don't get a lot of things because of the way that I look. I think the fact that I'm so unhappy with myself is written all over me, and turns people away. I started going to the gym about four weeks ago because I was going to finally change! For about a week and a half I was doing the damn thing! For the first couple of days I could barely move because I was working out so intensely. Then I stopped, I just didn't feel like doing it anymore. If I would've continued I would probably be able to fit into my summer clothes now. I CAN'T FIT INTO MY CLOTHES FROM LAST YEAR! I've gained so much weight it's disgusting. I have to do this. I can't look this way anymore!

Today, I've decided that it's a brand new day. I already started this new me, by finally cleaning up my damn room, which isn't finished but compared to what it was this morning...it's CLEAN. This morning I will eat a light breakfast, finish cleaning my room and prepare for the gym in the afternoon. Today's trainer is a monster...but that's a good thing.

When I get home, I won't eat what my folks prepared since it's most likely some high cholesterol, high caloried, fat ridden meal, so I have to find something to eat.

Honestly, why is it so expensive to eat healthy? On a board that I frequent someone asked the question about the obesity problem in the Black community. Someone made the point that healthy food is expensive and it's much easier to buy unhealthy meal for 5 bucks! The person who originally asked the question said that was a bad excuse, but is it? When I went to Whole Foods, I spent over $40 bucks alone on fruit and vegetables, and there wasn't a lot of it! With $40 I could've bought 8 buckets of chicken from the fried chicken spot on the corner, or tons of McDonalds. So the person was right, it IS expensive to eat healthy, but I guess in the long run....living past the age of 60 is worth it.Ok, I'm done...it was nice to be able to just write. Some of it was probably rambling, but so what!